its been a while. its half past 4 am at the time of writing this (and i'll probably get this out later today), i have a final today, and my life has changed a little for the better in a way i never expected.

id like to apologize for my absence. this is the busiest i have ever been in my entire life, being a college student. but its for the best. ive learned many new html and css stuff, rapidly developed a burning hatred for javascript, and learned more japanese than i knew before.

i have concluded that i wish to continue studying web development, but im putting a pause on learning japanese at this time. i will admit, i am a little stretched thin between learning web dev and a difficult language. so its going to be something i tackle later in the future. im very thankful for the oppurtunity, and my professor was probably one of the best teachers ive ever worked with. im going to try to get her a card today.

if you are sensitive to topics related to unconvential and non-monogamous relationships for whatever reason, now is your time to click off. otherwise, feel free to proceed.

here is the part where my life changed suddenly and rather majorly. i entered a queer platonic relationship with someone i am very close to. shortly after, i learned that it could be considered a form of polyamory to have a girlfriend and a queer platonic partner.

long story short, i was afraid of polyamory at first for a while. this discovery and new relationship challenged many old ideas and thoughts i once held... much crying, talking, picking apart my own brain later... i accepted it for what it is. due to a few certain circumstances, i havent been able to fully embrace it and be out and proud... but im hoping it will change in the future.

onto the qpr itself... wow. its also made me think some other things over. like how i view attraction, and how theres so many kinds of attraction, and love. ive felt attracted to this person for a very long time. but i didnt know what it was, and my brain tried to fill in the blanks as "romantic." its a fair occurrance as an allo allo lesbian, but it just made me shoot it down rather than acknowledge it. plus, it wasnt exactly correct.

someone introduced me to the concept of qprs, and admittedly at first i thought it was for the aroace community alone. but ive been told that anyone can have one. and im so glad for it. because i found a name for me and this person. its such a wonderful feeling.

in the future, i will refer to my qpp as my partner, my girlfriend as my girlfriend, and the both of them as my partners. i love them, we have plans for the future together, and they motivate me to move forward.

on the topic of motivation... yeah, uh. that's been a little hard to come by lately, other than my aformentioned partners.

you see, its december now. its pretty much winter time. and i have a severe case of seasonal affective disorder. if im not depressed, im fatigued as all hell. most of my days have been in bed or on the couch.

i havent been feeling myself at all lately, but thankfully i do have some things to help me cope. my mom in law recently gave me a new, sweet little baby (plushie).

a small grey shark plush

he is a weighted, heatable plush shark that smells like lavender

his name is Baja Blast. he's my buddy for battling winter depression. every night we heat him up and he rests on my chest.

ive also been listening to a lot of music. music has been big my entire life, getting me through it all. so im not surprised that ive turned to it lately. ive been picturing all sorts of music videos. i wish i could animate.

last big coping mechanism, ive been playing the sims 4 a lot. i actually run a simblr, if you're interested in that sort of thing. i love playing with digital barbies lol

as for this website in general, i have a couple things planned. for one, i want to redo the layout of the front pages. i was actually in the process of that, but i quickly got busy again. i also have a plushies page conceptualized, where i catalogue all the stuffies i own. i was also making a site for my sims content, but im kind of directionless in that area. it may be time to browse the yesterweb again.

i have just today's final and a final on the 12th, then i will be set free for a long winter break. i'm travelling to florida with my girlfriend and her parents for christmas this year, looking forward to seeing the ocean again.

wow. did you actually read this far?! you deserve a cookie and some catchy tunes. thank you so much, and i hope i dont lie dormant for too much longer. stay safe, until next time. *gives you your favorite kind of cookie*